Dominion announces lunar energy plan

RICHMOND, VA
26 June 2012

Dominion CEO Tom Farrell surveys potential lunar sites for project: Total Dominion

At a press conference earlier today, Dominion unveiled new plans for how the controversial firm may move forward into a cleaner energy future for the planet: harvesting power from the moon. The plan, entitled “Total Dominion,” hopes to revolutionize how Virginians, and the world, will receive energy for years to come.

Dominion hopes to procure federal funding by early next week to begin construction of its very own permanent lunar processing facility for the production and transport of Helium 3, abundant on the moon as a result of the sun’s solar wind, to be used in nuclear fusion reactors back here on earth.

“Just like clean coal,” says CEO Tom Farrell, “helium 3 technology will allow us to move forward into the 21st century without a massive hit to the economy.” Although options such as wind, solar, and geothermal have stayed on the table, they remain unpopular inside Dominion’s corporate culture. “I have a great waterfront property in Virginia Beach,” says Farrell, “and I’ll be damned if some crop of huge windmills is going to ruin my view.”

Governor Deeds McDonnell endorsed the project, calling it “a massive leap forward in Virginia’s energy portfolio,” and the “next step in making the Commonwealth a leader in green technology.”

Although science has yet to find a viable method for large-scale fusion, Dominion isn’t worried. “The technology just isn’t ready yet, but we cannot wait around for it to become commercially viable.” When that technology is expected to go online, nobody knows.

“With the massive failure of the whole ‘clean coal’ thing a few years back, we decided that we needed to shift our priorities. Yes, this project is costly and technologically impossible for the time being, but we hope that with assistance from the federal government that we will have a large-scale fusion reactor up and running in the next few years. Clean coal was a PR nightmare that we want to avoid in the future,” said an unnamed spokesperson. “Helium 3 produces no pollution, and no harmful side effects. We have the potential to solve the planet’s energy crisis.”

The lunar base, projected to be completed by 2020, will cost taxpayers a whopping $700 billion dollars, and includes a 5,000-acre processing facility with living quarters to be placed on the moon’s surface. It will be visible with the naked eye from Earth. However, as Dominion notes, “unlike obtrusive terrestrial renewable technologies, H3 will not harm local wildlife or detract from Earth’s natural beauty.”

The Earth-based generation facility will be constructed in southwest Virginia, ideal because most of the region has been flattened by years of mountaintop removal mining. Transmission lines will have to be built, likely through several northern Virginia residents’ backyards.

“We hope that both [the lunar and earthbound facilities] will provide new jobs and help to boost the still-floundering economy,” said Farrell in closing, “This project, when completed, has the potential to turn the energy world on its head.”

Artist's rendering of the proposed facility.